When you are pregnant, you are bound to hear a number of suggestions from people around you. It can be quite difficult to differentiate between myths and realities. After all, it is pregnancy, and you don’t want to risk anything or test any theory. Are you confused about the various myths you hear about second pregnancy? Come, let’s dig in deeper and find out what are myths and what is the reality.
When a woman is pregnant, the world around her starts trying to advise her on what to do, what not to do, what to expect and how to handle situations. Different people from different backgrounds will have different values and beliefs.
In many cases, a certain level of fear is introduced to encourage the expecting mother to be more careful. Similarly, myths also help put expecting mothers at ease or encourage women to go ahead with their next pregnancy despite the challenges they faced earlier. With time and an increase in interactions, different versions of these fear and reassurance myths combine to form newer versions of the old myths.
Here are some common myths and the reality when it comes to second pregnancy:
Myth 1 - You have past experience, and it will be the same this time too.
Reality - Every pregnancy is unique even if it is the same body. Your second pregnancy symptoms can be very different from the symptoms and changes you experienced during the first pregnancy. Morning sickness, aversions, sensitivities and tiredness can all be very different between both pregnancies. In your second pregnancy, you may in fact crave the foods you absolutely hated during your first pregnancy. No one can predict these in a pregnancy.
Myth 2 - Your second pregnancy weight gain and loss will be similar to the first pregnancy.
Reality - Your body can behave very differently with the second pregnancy. You may gain more weight and take more time to lose it due to the lack of time and energy that you had with the first pregnancy. If you have ample support with both baby and household chores, you can dedicate the same amount of time and energy to maintain the pregnancy weight. However, remember your body is older and can react differently to diet and exercise.
Myth 3 - Second time labour and delivery will be easy and less painful.
Reality - As the muscles are laxer than they were during the first pregnancy, your second pregnancy labour duration can be more relaxed. If you had a long and tiring labour for the first delivery, it can be shorter and easier. You may or may not deliver the baby earlier than the last time. The duration of the pregnancy (no. of weeks of pregnancy) depends on various factors. For some women, the second pregnancy can be very similar to the first in terms of duration and onset of labour. It can be preterm, full term or even an overdue pregnancy both times.
Myth 4 – You can’t love your second child as much as the first child.
Reality – This is a very popular myth that tends to scare a mother and drive her into serious mom guilt and doubt herself. In reality, she may not be able to repeat everything she did for her first-born. This is not because she loves her second child any lesser. It is because, with the first, she had more time and energy and she was also learning to be a mother. With the second child, she has another child to care for, she knows what works and what doesn’t, and her body is also older, thus posing physical restrictions in some ways.
Myth 5 - It is twice as much work with the second child.
Reality - The work for the second born can be similar to the workload with the firstborn around the same time, but the workload will be much more. The first child is much older and immature and will seek attention and reassurance from the parents. The emotional workload can be much higher than the physical workload. With children very close in age, it can get overwhelming and difficult especially when both children fall sick at the same time or when you have to start something new for the firstborn with a newborn in hand (starting school, classes, etc.). However, you will learn to manoeuvre the workload eventually and find your balance.
Myth 6 - What worked for others will work for you, too.
Reality - It is quite common for second-time moms or older people to give you endless suggestions about how to handle certain situations or responsibilities based on what worked for them. Remember, what worked for them may not work for you and it is perfectly fine. It does not mean you are less capable or doing something wrong. Each person is different, and each child is different, so the entire equation is very different for you and them. What works for them may not work for you. You can consider their suggestions and take what works for you or tweak it your way.
Myth 7 - What worked for the first child will work for the second child, too.
Reality - Remember, every child is different, even if they are both yours. What worked for your first child may or may not work with the second child. This includes food preferences, sleep patterns or cycles, feeding and preferences for toys. You can always try everything you did with your first child, but be flexible enough to do it differently with your second child.
Myth 8 - Your first child will have a playmate they love.
Reality - This will be a volatile relationship. Your first child will absolutely love their sibling at first until the baby starts taking up all your attention and time. As the baby demands more attention or tries to play with your elder one’s toys, your firstborn can get insecure or jealous. Some children may even try to hurt their younger siblings out of jealousy and frustration. You need to handle it delicately.
Myth 9 - Your elder child will become responsible.
Reality - Yes, your elder one will be the older child with more expectations and responsibilities of letting go or taking care of the younger one. However, small children don’t yet have the maturity to be responsible older siblings. They may act out, throw more tantrums and have difficult meltdowns. This could be to get your attention and also because the changes can be very overwhelming for them.
Myth 10 - You will be the same mother with your second born as you were with your first.
Reality - Let’s face it, you are a very different person now than you were before delivering your first child. Yes, you can love them both the same and give them the same amount of love and attention, but you are a different person. The age, experiences as a first-time mom, and the challenges of parenthood have changed you and your perspective of parenting. There will be noticeable differences in many aspects of your parenting. You may handle issues in a calmer manner as your fears are lesser. You may not be very specific about certain things and can let go more easily than before. Your boundaries or limitations can also be very different, as now you have an older child living under the same roof.
Some myths may help make the pregnancy experience easier for the mother. Instead of trying to prove a myth wrong, it can be safer to just be curious about it and avoid following it blindly. Do your research, and consider what the particular myth may be trying to achieve. Sometimes myths help make the pregnancy easier and safer for the mother when scientific reasoning is not available.
● It can be shorter for most women as the muscles are more relaxed now and loser than they were during the first delivery. This helps the labour progress faster.
● Every pregnancy is different. You may gain more weight and even take more time to lose it post-delivery due to the lack of time to exercise or pay attention to your diet. With another small child to care for, stress can also be more, resulting in more weight gain. Many women gain less weight during their second pregnancy if they are unable to eat well or experience morning sickness.
● Morning sickness can be very different for each pregnancy. It depends on the hormone changes and the exposures you have during the pregnancy. You may not have morning sickness at all for one pregnancy and suffer from severe vomiting in the other. It is very unpredictable.
